My life has been so full of change lately. We have recently moved and it has really been hard on me. Yes, I'm excited about moving because I have been wanting to for so long but I'm leaving a house that I have grew up in all my life. I lived there nearly 32 years. There are lots of memories there. My dad had that place built right before He and my mom married. With my mom's health issues though, we know it is best to be a little closer into town. This past weekend was the big move. As things begin to move out and the house became empty my emotions got the best of me. I felt like I had failed my dad. It had become so hard to keep up the place. I know that I haven't let my dad down but I just felt that way. I'm so thankful for the friends that have been there for me through this. They have prayed for me and held me while my tears have flowed. This is not an easy transition.
As I begin this next chapter of my life in this new house I know that God is with me. Though I may be aching inside with all the changes,I know God is going to help me through this. We had prayed long and hard for this and we know it was the will of God. While this house does not feel like home yet, I know that it will one day. I have been working around the clock trying to get things in order to make it feel more like home. I have so many visions in my head of how I want things to look. It will all come together one day. And no matter how long it takes God is always by my side!
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Reflecting over this past year
Today marks one year since we found out my mom has cirrhosis of the liver. I've been reflecting back over this year and thought of all the changes that have taken place. Some changes that I have not been ready for but I had to accept them. Although my mom is in the early stages of cirrhosis, she has had several health issues associated with the cirrhosis, mostly in the past couple months. She has been in and out of the hospital twice and the emergency room three times. I have had to learn to do everything at home. Of course, I know how to do everything at home but to have to do everything (housework, yardwork, cooking, etc) with no help has been challenging along with working a full time job. And I'm not complaining. I'm glad that I am able to do it.
I see that through all that we have been through, I have drawn closer to God. At first I stayed so stressed out because I was focusing more on getting things done and worrying about my mom instead of leaving it all in God's hands.Yes, there are times that I want to question God and I wonder just how much more I can handle but I am trusting God. I know that He will bring us through all this and I am still believing for complete healing in my mom's body. Now, while I am still trying to get things done I do allow myself a little time to rest in the evenings. Mom is starting to feel better now to and has been able to start doing a few things around the house again. She hates that she can't do more but I told her not to worry. I will get things done eventually. Through all of this my mom and I's relationship has gotten even closer. We now take time to just sit and talk. I cherish these moments. We are never promised tomorrow. I don't want to get so caught up in the busyness of life and one day look back and regret that I never took that time.
I see that through all that we have been through, I have drawn closer to God. At first I stayed so stressed out because I was focusing more on getting things done and worrying about my mom instead of leaving it all in God's hands.Yes, there are times that I want to question God and I wonder just how much more I can handle but I am trusting God. I know that He will bring us through all this and I am still believing for complete healing in my mom's body. Now, while I am still trying to get things done I do allow myself a little time to rest in the evenings. Mom is starting to feel better now to and has been able to start doing a few things around the house again. She hates that she can't do more but I told her not to worry. I will get things done eventually. Through all of this my mom and I's relationship has gotten even closer. We now take time to just sit and talk. I cherish these moments. We are never promised tomorrow. I don't want to get so caught up in the busyness of life and one day look back and regret that I never took that time.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
My Weight Loss Journey
For me to actually sit down and write about my journey is a big step for me. I'm a quiet person that keeps to myself a lot but for some reason I feel I should share this. Maybe if this is not meant for anyone else, maybe its for me to look back on from time to time and just see how far I've really come.
I have struggled with my weight pretty much all my life. I look back at pictures and see that I was always a chunky kid. I never was skinny as far as I know. I look back now and it's like I never really cared what I looked like. All the way through school I was overweight. I can remember my dad saying to me one time, "If you'll lose weight, I'll quit smoking." That didn't even faze me. Of course, I wanted him to quit smoking but at that moment I wasn't interested in losing weight. Before my dad passed away in 2004, he did quit smoking. I was grateful but I still showed no interest in losing weight.
You would think that being in my early 20s that I would want to lose weight. I was at the age that most girls are getting married. But I showed no interest in guys. Maybe it was because I went to a small town church and I knew that there was no guys there my age so why bother. I was still grieving over my dad so I just kept to myself and didn't care. In 2006, I had a interview with the Post Office and I had to go to the doctor for a check up before I could start working for them. The doctor I normally saw wasn't there that day so I had to see the Nurse Practitioner. My blood pressure was a little high and she told me that it was because I was overweight. She challenged me to lose 10 lbs in a month. She even told me that she didn't think I would do it but for me to come back in a month for another check up. I made up my mind when I left her office that I was going to prove her wrong. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I was going to do it. Where I live, there is no gym close by so I did my exercises at home. I walked on my Tony Little Gazelle every day and started cutting back on what I ate. I was a very picky eater so I ate lots of grilled chicken. In fact, to this day, my mom can't stand grilled chicken because she said I burnt her out on it. (Sorry Mom!) After a month passed I went back to see the Nurse Practitioner. I stepped on the scale and not only had I lost 10 lbs but I had lost a total of 15 lbs that month. I was happy and so was the Nurse Practitioner. She told me to keep it up and I told her that I would. I had started a lifestyle change. I kept working out and watching what I ate and before I knew it I had lost a total of 100 lbs. I was so proud of myself.
In 2008, my mom got really sick and nearly died. She had a hernia that had kinked her intestines and usually no one makes it pass 3 days of it being untreated. My mom went a solid week before they found it and they rushed her in to do emergency surgery. She was told later that it was a miracle that she was alive. With all this worrying about my mom, I begin eating more and stopped exercising. And little by little I begin to gain weight again. I hate that I had started gaining again. I wanted to get it back off but I couldn't get my mind focused in on it. I would pray asking God to please help me to get my mind on losing weight again but I never could get focused. I would get a few healthy snacks at the store when I would go but I still didn't stop eating the unhealthy foods. Before I knew it, I had gained half my weight back. Last year in June 2013, I finally made up my mind that I was going to lose again. It was like something clicked inside my brain and said, "You can do this!" On June 15, a Saturday of all days, I begin my journey again. People have told me, "Never start anything on a weekend. Wait until Monday. Cause if you start on a weekend you will never finish what you set out to do." But I was determined that I was going to do it. The first month was rough but I kept up with my calories and worked out with a video I had found at Wal-Mart. That first month I lost 15 lbs. I continued on each month losing any where from 12 to 15 lbs each month.
In August 2013, my mom was sick again and I took her to the Emergency room. We had already been told that some of the spells she had had was only Acute Memory Loss. The doctor said it would probably never happen again. Well he was wrong! On the way to the ER I prayed that we would get the right doctor to find out what was really going on. So here I was stressed and worried again. I prayed, "God, please help me during this time. I don't want to go back to gaining weight. I really want to keep it off this time. At the hospital, we found out that my mom's ammonia level was really high and they decided to admit her so they could get it down and also run test to see what the cause was. During her stay at the hospital, we found out that she has cirrhosis of the liver. Man, you talking about feeling like someone hitting me and knocking the breath out of me. According to the symptoms my mom was having, it showed she was in Stage 4, but that would be determined at a later date. All they wanted was to just get her ammonia level down. I begin calling family and friends to get them to praying. After 4 days in the hospital her ammonia level was down and they discharged her. They sent her home with medicine and set up a date for her to see the liver doctor to have the test done to determine the stage she was in. Through all this, I never turned to eating. In fact, this time I had to make myself eat. I was so upset. She is my only parent left. I didn't want to lose her too! When the time come for her to have the test, we were very nervous but we also know a God who is in the miracle working business. After the test was done, they called me into a room so the doctor could speak to me. When he came in, he said that she was in the very early stages of cirrhosis. Talk about an answer to prayer! The doctor asked me if I had any questions. Of course I did. I asked him if it was hereditary and he told me that it was very highly possible. He then asked if anyone else in my family had it but I wasn't sure. I told him that my great-grandma had died of liver cancer and he said that she probably did have cirrhosis, because cirrhosis can eventually turn into cancer. This made me nervous. I think the doctor could tell that it had. He then told me that as long as I would eat healthy and exercise that hopefully I could prevent myself from getting it also.
My mind was made up, I will be doing my best to keep the weight off this time. I have made a lifestyle change. If I don't get to exercise some days, I actually miss it. It's hard to make the time to exercise when you have a busy life but I make that time now. Some days I may only get 1 mile in but at least I get that little bit. I find myself much happier now. I used to say that I was ugly. Then I had a friend one day ask me, "Do you think God makes ugly things?" That got me to thinking. I still don't think of myself as being very pretty but I no longer say I'm ugly. In these past 7 1/2 months I have lost a total of 95 lbs so far. I figured up the other day that from when I was at my biggest in 2006 I have lost a total of 143 lbs. I look back and realize that I have come a long way. I still feel like I can lose a little more but if I don't, I am still happy. At the age of 30, I now actually see myself pretty and skinny enough to want to get married and have a family some day. Yes, I wish it could be in the very near future but I place that in God's hands. He knows the desires of my heart and I will wait for that time. God's timing is always on time. In the meantime, I will continue my journey and pray that God helps me to grow spiritually. I have been quiet and shy all my life. Maybe it was because I was overweight and was just afraid to really be involved much or afraid of what people might say about me. I want to come out of my shell and maybe by writing this, it's a start. I hope that this helps someone. Don't ever say that you can't do it. It can be done. If I can do it, anybody can! Can I say that this has been an easy journey? No. I still get afraid that I will go back to the way I was. But I pray that I never do. I pray that telling my journey does help someone. And believe me, my journey is not through. This will be something I have to work on the rest of my life. I've got my mind set on being healthy and fit from here on out. There are days that I struggle but with God's help and the encouragement of family and friends, I can do it!
Below is a picture of me in 2006 when I was at my biggest. The other picture is me now that was taken just a few weeks ago.
I have struggled with my weight pretty much all my life. I look back at pictures and see that I was always a chunky kid. I never was skinny as far as I know. I look back now and it's like I never really cared what I looked like. All the way through school I was overweight. I can remember my dad saying to me one time, "If you'll lose weight, I'll quit smoking." That didn't even faze me. Of course, I wanted him to quit smoking but at that moment I wasn't interested in losing weight. Before my dad passed away in 2004, he did quit smoking. I was grateful but I still showed no interest in losing weight.
You would think that being in my early 20s that I would want to lose weight. I was at the age that most girls are getting married. But I showed no interest in guys. Maybe it was because I went to a small town church and I knew that there was no guys there my age so why bother. I was still grieving over my dad so I just kept to myself and didn't care. In 2006, I had a interview with the Post Office and I had to go to the doctor for a check up before I could start working for them. The doctor I normally saw wasn't there that day so I had to see the Nurse Practitioner. My blood pressure was a little high and she told me that it was because I was overweight. She challenged me to lose 10 lbs in a month. She even told me that she didn't think I would do it but for me to come back in a month for another check up. I made up my mind when I left her office that I was going to prove her wrong. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I was going to do it. Where I live, there is no gym close by so I did my exercises at home. I walked on my Tony Little Gazelle every day and started cutting back on what I ate. I was a very picky eater so I ate lots of grilled chicken. In fact, to this day, my mom can't stand grilled chicken because she said I burnt her out on it. (Sorry Mom!) After a month passed I went back to see the Nurse Practitioner. I stepped on the scale and not only had I lost 10 lbs but I had lost a total of 15 lbs that month. I was happy and so was the Nurse Practitioner. She told me to keep it up and I told her that I would. I had started a lifestyle change. I kept working out and watching what I ate and before I knew it I had lost a total of 100 lbs. I was so proud of myself.
In 2008, my mom got really sick and nearly died. She had a hernia that had kinked her intestines and usually no one makes it pass 3 days of it being untreated. My mom went a solid week before they found it and they rushed her in to do emergency surgery. She was told later that it was a miracle that she was alive. With all this worrying about my mom, I begin eating more and stopped exercising. And little by little I begin to gain weight again. I hate that I had started gaining again. I wanted to get it back off but I couldn't get my mind focused in on it. I would pray asking God to please help me to get my mind on losing weight again but I never could get focused. I would get a few healthy snacks at the store when I would go but I still didn't stop eating the unhealthy foods. Before I knew it, I had gained half my weight back. Last year in June 2013, I finally made up my mind that I was going to lose again. It was like something clicked inside my brain and said, "You can do this!" On June 15, a Saturday of all days, I begin my journey again. People have told me, "Never start anything on a weekend. Wait until Monday. Cause if you start on a weekend you will never finish what you set out to do." But I was determined that I was going to do it. The first month was rough but I kept up with my calories and worked out with a video I had found at Wal-Mart. That first month I lost 15 lbs. I continued on each month losing any where from 12 to 15 lbs each month.
In August 2013, my mom was sick again and I took her to the Emergency room. We had already been told that some of the spells she had had was only Acute Memory Loss. The doctor said it would probably never happen again. Well he was wrong! On the way to the ER I prayed that we would get the right doctor to find out what was really going on. So here I was stressed and worried again. I prayed, "God, please help me during this time. I don't want to go back to gaining weight. I really want to keep it off this time. At the hospital, we found out that my mom's ammonia level was really high and they decided to admit her so they could get it down and also run test to see what the cause was. During her stay at the hospital, we found out that she has cirrhosis of the liver. Man, you talking about feeling like someone hitting me and knocking the breath out of me. According to the symptoms my mom was having, it showed she was in Stage 4, but that would be determined at a later date. All they wanted was to just get her ammonia level down. I begin calling family and friends to get them to praying. After 4 days in the hospital her ammonia level was down and they discharged her. They sent her home with medicine and set up a date for her to see the liver doctor to have the test done to determine the stage she was in. Through all this, I never turned to eating. In fact, this time I had to make myself eat. I was so upset. She is my only parent left. I didn't want to lose her too! When the time come for her to have the test, we were very nervous but we also know a God who is in the miracle working business. After the test was done, they called me into a room so the doctor could speak to me. When he came in, he said that she was in the very early stages of cirrhosis. Talk about an answer to prayer! The doctor asked me if I had any questions. Of course I did. I asked him if it was hereditary and he told me that it was very highly possible. He then asked if anyone else in my family had it but I wasn't sure. I told him that my great-grandma had died of liver cancer and he said that she probably did have cirrhosis, because cirrhosis can eventually turn into cancer. This made me nervous. I think the doctor could tell that it had. He then told me that as long as I would eat healthy and exercise that hopefully I could prevent myself from getting it also.
My mind was made up, I will be doing my best to keep the weight off this time. I have made a lifestyle change. If I don't get to exercise some days, I actually miss it. It's hard to make the time to exercise when you have a busy life but I make that time now. Some days I may only get 1 mile in but at least I get that little bit. I find myself much happier now. I used to say that I was ugly. Then I had a friend one day ask me, "Do you think God makes ugly things?" That got me to thinking. I still don't think of myself as being very pretty but I no longer say I'm ugly. In these past 7 1/2 months I have lost a total of 95 lbs so far. I figured up the other day that from when I was at my biggest in 2006 I have lost a total of 143 lbs. I look back and realize that I have come a long way. I still feel like I can lose a little more but if I don't, I am still happy. At the age of 30, I now actually see myself pretty and skinny enough to want to get married and have a family some day. Yes, I wish it could be in the very near future but I place that in God's hands. He knows the desires of my heart and I will wait for that time. God's timing is always on time. In the meantime, I will continue my journey and pray that God helps me to grow spiritually. I have been quiet and shy all my life. Maybe it was because I was overweight and was just afraid to really be involved much or afraid of what people might say about me. I want to come out of my shell and maybe by writing this, it's a start. I hope that this helps someone. Don't ever say that you can't do it. It can be done. If I can do it, anybody can! Can I say that this has been an easy journey? No. I still get afraid that I will go back to the way I was. But I pray that I never do. I pray that telling my journey does help someone. And believe me, my journey is not through. This will be something I have to work on the rest of my life. I've got my mind set on being healthy and fit from here on out. There are days that I struggle but with God's help and the encouragement of family and friends, I can do it!
Below is a picture of me in 2006 when I was at my biggest. The other picture is me now that was taken just a few weeks ago.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Praise God During the Storm
And I'll praise you in this storm, And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are, No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hands
You've never left my side, And tho my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
A few weeks ago my mom was admitted into the hospital. She was having spells of confusion and shaky hands. It worried me. My first thought was a stroke. We had went to the ER a few months ago with the same thing and they said it was Acute Memory Loss and in most cases it may never happen again...but it did! I prayed on the way to the ER, God please let us get the right doctor this time to find out just exactly what is going on. After spending hours in the waiting room, we finally got called into the back. They did all kinds of test and her ammonia level was extremely high. They said the cause was the liver. They admitted her and the next day started running test. That afternoon, the doctor came around and told us that she has cirrhosis of the liver. My world was turned upside down. I had already lost my dad a few years ago. Why does this have to happen to my mom? She's all I have left. I was glad we finally found out what was causing all her problems but I never thought it would be something that serious. I know that some people live for years but some do not. They have started her on meds that will keep her ammonia level down and just keep a watch on everything with blood work. She is also on blood thinner because of some blood clots they found last year. Taking meds for her liver and being on blood thinner is very dangerous. She can easily bleed internally.She also has been told that she can no longer take any pain meds, not even for a headache. We have taken this news pretty hard but yet we are believing and claiming a miracle! We know that God is able. Most days my mom is upbeat and she tells everyone that God is going to heal her. There are some days tho that she gets upset, which it's normal. We have told people that we don't want to hear anything negative. One day, a lady did speak something negative to my mom but my mom didn't tell me until the next day. Had I known, I probably would have said something not nice to that lady, so it was probably best. My mom is facing more test next week and we will find out more info on some things we have questions about. I was recently told, Praise God during your storm. The more God sees you worship, the quicker He can bring you out of that storm. I'm believing that God is going to do something great in this.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
God will make this trial a blessing!
So much has gone on since the last time I have blogged. My mom gave me a another scare and I had to rush her to the hospital. Thank God everything turned out ok. A couple weeks prior to that a minister had spoken over her saying that a miracle was going to happen in her body. On the morning I had to take her to the hospital, I had already left for church because I had choir practice. I received a phone call saying something was wrong with my mom and was not acting like herself and I needed to get home. I had just made it to the church. I run in to tell my section leader what was going on and then took off back home. I WAS SCARED! I begin praying and claiming healing in my mom's body. I reminded God that he had said a miracle was going to happen. And it did. I got my mom to the hospital and they were sure she had had a stroke. They admitted her and begin running test. By that time, a few of my friends had texted me wondering why I wasn't at church. I told them what was going on and they begin praying. The next day, the doctor came around and said that they could not find anything wrong with her. They said sometimes it just happens and called it Acute Memory Loss. But I know a God who is a healer! I believe that with all the prayers that went forth for my mom, that God healed her. To this day she has not had another spell.
In the meantime, I am also dealing with losing hours at work. In the next couple of weeks I will be going from 40 hours a week to 20 hours a week. Its going to be a hard adjustment. I'm not ready for all these changes that are taking place. I wonder sometimes just how much more I can handle. I've dealt with a lot lately surely there's got to be a break in there somewhere. But I'm trusting God. I know he's got it all under control. I may not seem it right now but I know its coming. Just have to TRUST and BELIEVE.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Fear Not
Haven't updated my blog in awhile. Been a lot going on. This time of the year is always hard for me. During this time of the year 9 years ago is when we found out my dad had cancer. This year my mom is dealing with a lot of health problems. Not sure what all we may be facing but I'm trusting that God is going to see us through and that HE WILL HEAL her. Pastor preached a message this morning about Fear Not! Whatever the situation is that you are going through, Fear Not. God is in control of it all and He will see you through. One of the scriptures used in his message this morning was Psalm 25:14, The secret of the Lord is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant. He also read from Psalm 91. I'm claiming healing for my mom. I know that God is going to bring us through. He said it in His Word.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Walking down Memory Lane
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