I have struggled with my weight pretty much all my life. I look back at pictures and see that I was always a chunky kid. I never was skinny as far as I know. I look back now and it's like I never really cared what I looked like. All the way through school I was overweight. I can remember my dad saying to me one time, "If you'll lose weight, I'll quit smoking." That didn't even faze me. Of course, I wanted him to quit smoking but at that moment I wasn't interested in losing weight. Before my dad passed away in 2004, he did quit smoking. I was grateful but I still showed no interest in losing weight.
You would think that being in my early 20s that I would want to lose weight. I was at the age that most girls are getting married. But I showed no interest in guys. Maybe it was because I went to a small town church and I knew that there was no guys there my age so why bother. I was still grieving over my dad so I just kept to myself and didn't care. In 2006, I had a interview with the Post Office and I had to go to the doctor for a check up before I could start working for them. The doctor I normally saw wasn't there that day so I had to see the Nurse Practitioner. My blood pressure was a little high and she told me that it was because I was overweight. She challenged me to lose 10 lbs in a month. She even told me that she didn't think I would do it but for me to come back in a month for another check up. I made up my mind when I left her office that I was going to prove her wrong. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I was going to do it. Where I live, there is no gym close by so I did my exercises at home. I walked on my Tony Little Gazelle every day and started cutting back on what I ate. I was a very picky eater so I ate lots of grilled chicken. In fact, to this day, my mom can't stand grilled chicken because she said I burnt her out on it. (Sorry Mom!) After a month passed I went back to see the Nurse Practitioner. I stepped on the scale and not only had I lost 10 lbs but I had lost a total of 15 lbs that month. I was happy and so was the Nurse Practitioner. She told me to keep it up and I told her that I would. I had started a lifestyle change. I kept working out and watching what I ate and before I knew it I had lost a total of 100 lbs. I was so proud of myself.
In 2008, my mom got really sick and nearly died. She had a hernia that had kinked her intestines and usually no one makes it pass 3 days of it being untreated. My mom went a solid week before they found it and they rushed her in to do emergency surgery. She was told later that it was a miracle that she was alive. With all this worrying about my mom, I begin eating more and stopped exercising. And little by little I begin to gain weight again. I hate that I had started gaining again. I wanted to get it back off but I couldn't get my mind focused in on it. I would pray asking God to please help me to get my mind on losing weight again but I never could get focused. I would get a few healthy snacks at the store when I would go but I still didn't stop eating the unhealthy foods. Before I knew it, I had gained half my weight back. Last year in June 2013, I finally made up my mind that I was going to lose again. It was like something clicked inside my brain and said, "You can do this!" On June 15, a Saturday of all days, I begin my journey again. People have told me, "Never start anything on a weekend. Wait until Monday. Cause if you start on a weekend you will never finish what you set out to do." But I was determined that I was going to do it. The first month was rough but I kept up with my calories and worked out with a video I had found at Wal-Mart. That first month I lost 15 lbs. I continued on each month losing any where from 12 to 15 lbs each month.
In August 2013, my mom was sick again and I took her to the Emergency room. We had already been told that some of the spells she had had was only Acute Memory Loss. The doctor said it would probably never happen again. Well he was wrong! On the way to the ER I prayed that we would get the right doctor to find out what was really going on. So here I was stressed and worried again. I prayed, "God, please help me during this time. I don't want to go back to gaining weight. I really want to keep it off this time. At the hospital, we found out that my mom's ammonia level was really high and they decided to admit her so they could get it down and also run test to see what the cause was. During her stay at the hospital, we found out that she has cirrhosis of the liver. Man, you talking about feeling like someone hitting me and knocking the breath out of me. According to the symptoms my mom was having, it showed she was in Stage 4, but that would be determined at a later date. All they wanted was to just get her ammonia level down. I begin calling family and friends to get them to praying. After 4 days in the hospital her ammonia level was down and they discharged her. They sent her home with medicine and set up a date for her to see the liver doctor to have the test done to determine the stage she was in. Through all this, I never turned to eating. In fact, this time I had to make myself eat. I was so upset. She is my only parent left. I didn't want to lose her too! When the time come for her to have the test, we were very nervous but we also know a God who is in the miracle working business. After the test was done, they called me into a room so the doctor could speak to me. When he came in, he said that she was in the very early stages of cirrhosis. Talk about an answer to prayer! The doctor asked me if I had any questions. Of course I did. I asked him if it was hereditary and he told me that it was very highly possible. He then asked if anyone else in my family had it but I wasn't sure. I told him that my great-grandma had died of liver cancer and he said that she probably did have cirrhosis, because cirrhosis can eventually turn into cancer. This made me nervous. I think the doctor could tell that it had. He then told me that as long as I would eat healthy and exercise that hopefully I could prevent myself from getting it also.
My mind was made up, I will be doing my best to keep the weight off this time. I have made a lifestyle change. If I don't get to exercise some days, I actually miss it. It's hard to make the time to exercise when you have a busy life but I make that time now. Some days I may only get 1 mile in but at least I get that little bit. I find myself much happier now. I used to say that I was ugly. Then I had a friend one day ask me, "Do you think God makes ugly things?" That got me to thinking. I still don't think of myself as being very pretty but I no longer say I'm ugly. In these past 7 1/2 months I have lost a total of 95 lbs so far. I figured up the other day that from when I was at my biggest in 2006 I have lost a total of 143 lbs. I look back and realize that I have come a long way. I still feel like I can lose a little more but if I don't, I am still happy. At the age of 30, I now actually see myself pretty and skinny enough to want to get married and have a family some day. Yes, I wish it could be in the very near future but I place that in God's hands. He knows the desires of my heart and I will wait for that time. God's timing is always on time. In the meantime, I will continue my journey and pray that God helps me to grow spiritually. I have been quiet and shy all my life. Maybe it was because I was overweight and was just afraid to really be involved much or afraid of what people might say about me. I want to come out of my shell and maybe by writing this, it's a start. I hope that this helps someone. Don't ever say that you can't do it. It can be done. If I can do it, anybody can! Can I say that this has been an easy journey? No. I still get afraid that I will go back to the way I was. But I pray that I never do. I pray that telling my journey does help someone. And believe me, my journey is not through. This will be something I have to work on the rest of my life. I've got my mind set on being healthy and fit from here on out. There are days that I struggle but with God's help and the encouragement of family and friends, I can do it!
Below is a picture of me in 2006 when I was at my biggest. The other picture is me now that was taken just a few weeks ago.
